The Day I Almost Turned Back
You get those times in life, when for no reason, you just feel a bit flat. Well, that was me this week. I couldn’t put my finger on the reason why. I’ve got a lovely home, a beautiful cat, a loving partner and a great business which I really enjoy running.
But it was the change in season I think. The sunshine. And the light. It reminded me of the years gone by and the people who have passed. Then out of the blue sky, I started thinking about my Grandma. And I felt this feeling of loss like it was yesterday that she died. And I could really feel her presence. She actually died a few years ago now, back in 2008, on April Fools Day of all days. We all said she had the last laugh there!
I remember the time I drove to see her. It was the last time I saw her alive. The weather was like it is now. It was sunny, but cold, and you could feel spring in the air. I went to visit her at a nursing home she had just moved into from hospital. She didn’t want to be there. I hoped that my visit would cheer her up. She was sitting in a chair in her room. And we chatted for a while. I remember trying to make her feel a bit better about her new surroundings. Yes, it wasn’t her lovely home that she no longer had. But it was comfortable and the staff were nice.
When it was time to go, I said goodbye and gave her a hug and said I would drive down again soon to see her. As I stood at the door to go she looked at me in a way that I’ll never forget. She was saying goodbye. I didn’t realise it then. But you know when you know.
I stayed over that night and I had a decision to make the next day. Do I drive back up to Manchester where I was living, and get back in time for my football match? Or do I go and see Grandma and spend some time with her and leave a bit later in the day.
I started to drive home. I’d already said my goodbyes. I thought let’s get back, if I miss this game I might get dropped from the team for the next match. I loved my football. I very rarely missed a game.
I pulled up in a lay-by. I wasn't sure of my decision. I was still thinking I should turn back. I stopped for a few moments. It was early morning. There were hedgerows and birds flying to and fro. The sky was blue and the air was crisp and clear. I thought it through. Then switched the engine on. And I drove home.
The next day I got the call from my Aunty. Grandma had died peacefully in the night.
I still think about that day. And not turning around to see my Grandma one last time. But over the years, I’ve come to understand that we don’t always get it right. We can’t predict what life will bring us. But it does give us choices. Some choices we regret, while others we learn from and carry through life. It was a life lesson learned that day. Some things we can’t plan for, no matter how much we wish we could.
So why am I telling you this?
Because moments matter. The people we love, the time we share, and the memories we hold onto - they make us who we are now, in this very moment. We don’t always know which moments will stay with us forever, but when they do, they become part of us.
It’s interesting how life gives us small reminders of those we miss. For me, it’s usually the sight of a bird - the flash of blue and yellow in the trees, the quiet presence of a blue tit. It’s a little symbol of hope, of joy, of connection.
My Blue Tit design means a lot to me. And I hope it does to others too. It was created in memory of a dear friend and neighbour and there's a lot of meaning behind these little cheerful creatures. If you spot a blue tit, it is often seen as a symbol of joy and good luck, bringing a sense of positivity into your day.
Whilst I’m not saying that a drink from a Blue Tit Mug will be the answer to all of life's problems, it might just give you a quiet moment to reflect, remember those you love, and find a little comfort in the day.
